If we expected or wanted a different behavior from someone, we usually want to express our disappointment or criticism.
We often do this in the form of first-person messages, as in the examples above.
Unfortunately, this usually does not lead to the desired result for the other person, to the fact that he calmly listens to our concerns and takes them seriously.
Disadvantages of your posts:
It is unlikely that anyone responds to a message on behalf of with interest or cooperation. Quite the opposite. Because a message on behalf, especially if it is presented in an excited, loud tone, is primarily perceived aggressively as:
- Criticism, devaluation or rejection
- Blame
- Punishment
- Everybody knows
Therefore, the interlocutor either reacts with a counterattack, silence and emotional withdrawal, or breaks off the conversation. This usually leads to further messages on behalf of things like "You never do that" and "That's typical of you again!" or "You always say that" and you get into another round of escalation.
Advantages of I-messages
I-messages, on the other hand, if phrased correctly, usually have a de-escalating effect. Because unlike your posts:
Do you let the other person know how their behavior affects you
Are they a non-violent form of confrontation because no one uses them to judge, condemn, rebuke, attack or blame the other.
They also communicate that their own perception is subjective and give the other the opportunity to accept this criticism or not.
Explain the reason for the feeling experienced and thus provoke a discussion about the facts.
